Al-Huda the Message Continues 1/37
Foundation, NJ USA Newsletter for August 2004
Article 1 - Article 2 - Article 3 - Article 4 - Article 5 - Article 6
Article 7 - Article 8 - Article 9 - Article 10 -Article 11 - Article 12
NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!
Setting Bad Examples for Children
"Tell them I'm not here," we yell to our spouse or children as the telephone
rings. Although we might not have noticed it, we have just set an example of
lying for our children. When they see us lying, they may say to themselves that
it's okay to lie. Dad and mom do it.
If we had been more conscious of our role as an example for our children, we
could have avoided this mistake by using a caller ID; by telling our spouse or
our children to say that we were unavailable to talk now, not that we were
not at home; or by simply taking the call. But we should never lie.
Many other "little" things that we do during the day may actually be setting
bad examples for our children without our even realizing it. Remaining
constantly aware of our role as an example might help us to avoid making some of
these mistakes. However, there are several danger areas in our daily lives that we
should be especially careful about.
Here are some thoughts about providing a better role model:
We should never make
false promises to our children.
For example, we should never tell them, "I will take you for ice cream if you
are good," when we have no intention of taking them for ice cream. This is
also lying, and if we do it, our children may lose confidence in everything we
say.
Don't Argue with Spouse in Front of Children
What must it feel like for children to see their mother and father yelling at
each other and even hitting each other. What horror they must feel at that
time. And how will they know what to do afterward? Can they ever go back to the
same loving relationship with their father and mother after watching them
abuse each other? If we do make the mistake of arguing or fighting in front of our
children and then we make up later, we should be sure to include the children
and even apologize to them for our immature and un-Islamic behavior.
InshaAllah, they will respect us even more for admitting that we were wrong.
We should never make fun of others.
If we say, "Hey, look at that ugly guy over there! Ha! Ha! Ha!," our children
may think that this is acceptable behavior. Afterward, if they publicly say
something bad about somebody and we or that person gets embarrassed, we should
remember that we are the ones who taught them to behave this way.
We should never gossip
or speak evil about others behind their backs.
Even though they might not hear us, our children will. They are watching us
eat the dead flesh of our brothers and sisters, and it could affect them in
many ways. They might simply begin to believe that this is normal behavior, or
they might be extremely disgusted with their parents for behaving in this way.
Either way our children will be negatively influenced.
We should never watch TV programs or listen
to radio programs that we know we shouldn't.
Later, when we tell our children not to watch kissing or violence on TV, they
will see us as hypocrites and lose respect for us.
As Muslims, we should of course try to be the best human beings we can
possibly be. As Muslim parents, we must try even harder because our behavior will
very likely have a major impact on the behavior of our children now and when
they grow up. It's not what mom and dad say; it's what mom and dad do.
Raising kids is an incredible responsibility. If we want to succeed, we must
raise them with both words and actions. As human beings, we will at times do
wrong and make mistakes. But please, NEVER IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!
By Ibrahim Bowers
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